sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
