how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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