Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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