Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
