im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize