Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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