Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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