Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
