i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
