R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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