You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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