Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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