So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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