You smell like stripper and shame
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize