the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
