Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
