I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
me + whiskey = a bad person
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
