I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
