but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
