Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
