the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Randomize
