Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
