make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
