You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
