I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
