dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
