Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
