wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
