i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
