I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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