You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
