She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
