its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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