He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
