It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
