Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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