singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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