i permit you to call me
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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