Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Green mimosas i think yes
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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