I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
