Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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