dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Banned from zoo.
Again?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
