does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize