Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize