You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
