After last night, I could never be a politician.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
