You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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