Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
