The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
