tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This beer is not sobering me up at all
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
