dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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