you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
