I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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