Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
