The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
