Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My dick has a subreddit
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
