Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize