he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
