If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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