Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
