i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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