She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
