I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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