you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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