im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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