Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
