Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
