I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
