dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
