1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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