I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
