I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
