I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
