hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
