I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
