i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
