HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
