So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
