This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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