im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize