So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
