The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
