I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
