Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
