remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
