Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize