I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
