I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
