I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
