college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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