She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
