she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Someone shattered a urinal.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
