New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize