I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just want to make out with him forever
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
