You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
