On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish I could teleport
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
