She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
