i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
