I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
