Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
wow bdsm is so cute
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
