btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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