Who wears a wallet chain?!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
