I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize