i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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